Sunday, August 3, 2008

Heavy Post Coming...

I can feel it coming.

I know there a work is going on inside of me.

Sadly, I know it and I am fighting it.

I want it. But I don't.

I want to be a better person. I want to seek and choose joy over everything else. But, my human side comes out all too often and more times than not, I am regretting my reaction, my behavior ~ whatever you want to call it.

I want to be someone I am not. It is not as dramatic as it sounds. I don't want a complete overhaul - there are qualities that I do like about myself. BUT, there are more than I like to admit that need some refining. I don't want to get angry over dumb things. I don't want to let the minor stresses of the day affect me. I choose to let them affect me and I want to choose otherwise.

This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' " Zechariah 13:9

I want to be part of that third.

Again, this is not dramatic as it sounds. I LOVE my life, my husband, my kids... but I don't love how I push off refining myself after everything else is done. I don't care who you are - everything is NEVER done.

I signed up for the next Fall Bible Study today.

And that is when I knew something was brewing. (And it isn't coffee.)

This study is about the power of our words.

How they land.

How they affect.

How they build up.

And, most importantly, how they tear down.

So while this work is in progress, I want to be mindful. I want to be painfully mindful of the knowledge I am about to obtain and want to make sure that I don't use this new knowledge in the wrong way. It would be so easy to use this new power to vindicate, make a point, win a "discussion" in my marriage, etc. So this work in me will be to overcome what I don't want to be by making a choice to be who I want to be.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

I have the choice.

O LORD, help me to make the right one.

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5 comments:

Christine said...

You are truly one of the best people I know. I'm not discouraging you from growing, we all need to grow, I'm simply encouraging you that your heart is pure and you have been a savior to this friend.

love ya,
Chris

Jessa said...

I am trying so hard with you! But it is an EVERY DAY, UP HILL BATTLE. I don't think it will ever come easy, or that it is ever meant to be easy. We just have to keep trucking! God knows my inner battle with myself is a CHALLENGE! But I have to believe that He is proud of me with every teeny tini improvement..

Suzanne said...

wow---those are definitely powerful words! God bless you and your journey to grow! i just HAD to come over here and tell you THANK YOU for such kind, sweet words! i needed that today. (after an anonymous mean comment)...hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday!!! and congrats to YOU on making it one year with 3 children under 3!!!! xoxoxo

Pete Wilson said...

What an incredible desire! I think God will award you the desire to grow and have Him formed in you. He will give you those opportunities you seek to know Him ever more.

I'm praying for you and your sweet family!!

Suzanne said...

hey lees!!! sav's top is actually one of those dance spandex onesies...i got it from some specialty store in our mall (i can't even remember the name of it--it was like a local store)..but look for one of those dance studio places or somewhere that sells little dance outifts for girls! hope this helps!!!