Ministry in the Making

So, the kids are STILL sick. Addie has had a really hard time getting over this virus and is actually on breathing treatments every four hours around the clock, on steroids also and is still wheezing. I am tired, grumpy, sick myself and finding that I am getting to the end of my rope.

Having a sick kid is stressful. I want to fix it. I want to try to explain why it is she is feeling this way and give her a timeline for when she will start to feel better. Each wheeze sends me into a panic... what if she is not getting enough air? What if in the middle of the night she can't breathe and I am so tried and sleepy that I don't hear the distress?

The worry that has set in has made me thing more and more of parents with chronically sick children. I don't think there is anyone more on earth that I admire than a parent who is pulling together enough strength just to make it through another day of watching their child struggle through whatever ails them. I can not imagine the emotional toll, the physical demands and the constraints it places on a marriage. And then if they have other kids too, how do they make life "normal" and not snap for the everyday kid things that they will continue to do?

In the middle of the night last night as I was giving Addie her breathing treatment, I thought long and hard about Jud the Stud (Judson's story link on my link list) and what his mom and dad went through. I know that each day is a struggle to grasp what has happened in their lives and they must wrestle with the memories they have from those last months they had with Jud. I can not imagine the strength they had to pull out of an empty reservoir every day just to function. I can not imagine the colliding thoughts - the precious memories of Jud singing and playing with his loved cars and trucks mixing with the present state. I can not imagine trying to hold it together so that Jud would not be afraid. But more than anything, I can not imagine waking up tomorrow and not having Noah, Addie or Matt in my arms. AND - this is when I heard it... a voice in my head that I can only attribute to God.

I have been looking for my calling for a while. I know that God has great plans for my life and while being a mom is INCREDIBLE and so important - I know that He has more for me. This is just something that I have felt for a long time. I have been searching, waiting, listening, and getting kinda frustrated that I don't know what this tug at my heart means. Last night - it became crystal clear. I want to minister to the parents of ill children. I want to give to them in the way the need... a shoulder to lean on... someone to vent to.... someone who can run their errands.... clean their house... make phones calls or send out update e-mails to people who care... I want to find their need and minister to it. At a time where every breath they take is about their child - I want to do something that is only about them.

So, as the twins gets older and my time is more free, I want to develop this in a way that is BIG. I want it to be known, I want it to be a part of a church (or many church ministries). I want it to have a name, a purpose and a mission. I want this to be serious and not something that was just a fleeting thought. So if you have ideas, suggestions, comments, etc.. let me know.

I want to take what the Lord has laid on my heart and run with it - for HIM.