Monday, May 12, 2008

Calm Before the Storm

As I was watching a little about the destruction of all the recent tornadoes - one thing kept leaping out at me. Every time they talk to someone about the storms - they talk about the eerie silence, the peaceful calm, and the mysterious color of the sky. One thing strikes me more than anything else, to a native Phoenician like me - it is just calm and peace... but to someone in that region - it can signal terror.
Isn't this how life is sometimes? Things are going so smoothly and then WHAM - something hits. Something major. Something unexpected. Something that knocks you off your foundation. Sometimes it completely destroys your plans. Your home. Your life.
This happened to me almost 5 years ago. On December 13, 2003 Wade proposed to me after 8 (yes, that says eight) years of dating. I had waited and wanted this for so long. When he asked, I was sure that he would want a long engagement (he didn't seem like the type to jump in head first). As shocking as the proposal was - he shocked me even more by saying that he wanted to get married in February or March. I pushed him back to April just so I could catch my breath. I had a great job - and had actually just been promoted. I had won some awards with my company. I had an amazing apartment on my own - no roomies... Things were going great. There was a calm and a peace in my life that had not been present before. My "plans" were all falling into place.
And then it came. The phone call that takes away your breath. The one that hits you square in the chest leaving you stunned, confused, mad, and destroyed. Mom has CANCER. It is serious. It is fast growing. Chemo CAN'T wait.
And there is a wedding. How ironic that one life event can leave a cloud of impending death and another can show promise of hope and new life on the horizon. I have been to enough funerals in my life to have heard many times - "His/Her work on earth was done - God called him/her home."
My mom's work was not done. My mom's work IS not done. This December marks 5 years. In the cancer world that means something big. It means that you are in a new phase of healing. That the cancer is a little farther away from returning.
Things like this make me unsure about asking for peace in my life. I find that I struggle with the comfortable... I don't want the calm before the storm. And then again - I have to stop and marvel at the God we serve. These things have to happen. There is a purpose beyond our comprehension. But our God gives us warning signs... are we watching? Are we listening? Are we so caught up in our daily lives that we fail to notice? The lump under her arm cried to her that something was not right. It wasn't. But she noticed and she took action. So while the calm makes me uneasy, I want to be ready for what God has for me and I don't want to misunderstnad the warning signs.
Help me to be more aware. Help me to stop and appreciate.

I LOVE you mom!!!

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1 comment:

Rachel said...

I will be calling you THIS afternoon- scary, things have just now CALMED down in the J household!!! What storm is brewing???
HOWEVER, I don't want to forget... I've been meaning to tell you about Kevin's good friend Dave Graybill and his PINK RIBBON TOUR. Check out his website-
Lots of Love- and thanks for your inspirational blog entry:)