I know there a work is going on inside of me.
Sadly, I know it and I am fighting it.
I want it. But I don't.
I want to be a better person. I want to seek and choose joy over everything else. But, my human side comes out all too often and more times than not, I am regretting my reaction, my behavior ~ whatever you want to call it.
I want to be someone I am not. It is not as dramatic as it sounds. I don't want a complete overhaul - there are qualities that I do like about myself. BUT, there are more than I like to admit that need some refining. I don't want to get angry over dumb things. I don't want to let the minor stresses of the day affect me. I choose to let them affect me and I want to choose otherwise.
This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' " Zechariah 13:9
I want to be part of that third.
Again, this is not dramatic as it sounds. I LOVE my life, my husband, my kids... but I don't love how I push off refining myself after everything else is done. I don't care who you are - everything is NEVER done.
I signed up for the next Fall Bible Study today.
And that is when I knew something was brewing. (And it isn't coffee.)
This study is about the power of our words.
How they land.
How they affect.
How they build up.
And, most importantly, how they tear down.
So while this work is in progress, I want to be mindful. I want to be painfully mindful of the knowledge I am about to obtain and want to make sure that I don't use this new knowledge in the wrong way. It would be so easy to use this new power to vindicate, make a point, win a "discussion" in my marriage, etc. So this work in me will be to overcome what I don't want to be by making a choice to be who I want to be.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14
I have the choice.
O LORD, help me to make the right one.
